WHAT YOU LEARN AS A GYM NEWBIE

Up until January, I was a ‘I’ve never been to the gym and I’ve no intention of going sort of person’. After getting involved with Pink Soda for JD Sports, I decided it was time to get myself together and brave going. I wanted to do it purely as something for myself – giving my body a bit of TLC hopefully giving myself a bit of a confidence boost. Ive always thought the gym was a bit scary, and as a result wimped out of going.

Thankfully, I can now say that me and the gym are pals. Okay, we’re pals that sometimes want to punch each other, but we get on and we know we help each other out. While I’m not becoming your next fitness buff, I do kind of enjoy it. So, when it came to the gym newbie experience, he’s what I learnt.  

 You see a lot of boobs. 

A lot of boobs. If you're a bit prim, prepare for lady bits here there and everywhere. 

 You’lll forget your socks or your knickers or your trousers and it’ll be a tragic.

Big tip – always pack a back up pair of knicks and socks. & if you’ve forgot your trousers, cry.

You quickly don’t feel like the new person.

I was surprised by how soon I didn’t feel like a new person. Really, if you last longer than a month, you’ll have made it longer than most people who joined around the same time. I'm now four-ish months in, sort of know the sitch and don’t feel like I’m making it quite as obvious that I’ve no idea what I’m doing.

You’ll end up gawping at a lot of sweaty people.

Admittedly, if someone's on that stair climber I'm probably going to end up staring at their bum. It's unavoidable and it's in my face. 

You’ll find the most annoying part is getting your sh*t together, not exercising.

Following on from the forgotten trousers, the most annoying thing I find about the gym is actually getting my stuff together. Yeah, slogging it out on the treadmill is tough, but sorting out my gym bag? Now that's awful. Packing my gym bag is up there with standing on a plug. I hate it and I cba to think if I’ve got my earphones and my mascara and basically my life in one bag.

You’ll have a ‘I need a padlock?!’ moment.

Nobody tells you this. It’s like an unsaid thing that you’ve got to lock your own stuff away with your own little padlock.

You’ll then have a mad panic when you’ve lost your key.

‘Oh shit oh shit oh shit… Oh it’s in my sock’. Nobody knows fear like a gal who’s lost her gym key.

You’ll realise it’s a love/hate relationship.

Sometimes I’m really pumped thinking this fitness stuff is for me, others I’m just like why the fudge am I bothering. It’s an up and down thing, but I guess I know that overall it’s good for me.

You’ll buy more gym gear than you could ever possibly need. In fact you could probably stock JD Sports.

And you know what? I wear the same go-to gym outfits for most trips, constantly on a cycle in the wash.

You’ll quickly work out a military precision routine.

Okay, this ‘sorting your shit’ business is a nightmare, but you do get into some kind of routine. I now know to stick my gym bag in the right way for quickly pulling my towel out, and to make sure I’ve got my hair brush before I dump everything else on top of it. For me, that’s getting my life together.

You’ll soon be spotting other ‘newbies’.

Within a few weeks you’ll be able to pick them out a mile off. They’re either overly enthusiastic, or looking depressed as hell.

You’ll find some really random ways to pass the time, 

A favourite of mine is naming folk – nothing mean, just nicknames for the familiar faces I see regularly during the week but never speak to. Currently we have ‘Notebook’ (each week he fills in a notebook with his routine – organized), the Fit Family (3 generations of very healthy looking family) and Cross Trainer Guy (who basically just machines through an hour on the cross trainer every gym sesh - beeeeayst). When it comes dying on the treadmill, you'll do anything to distract yourself. 

You’ll realise that there’s no point without your iPod.

Seriously. Just go home. You’re doing nothing.

You’ll wonder how the fudge anyone ever manages the stair climber for longer than 5 minutes.

Gimme those quads. Managing a minute on that thing is an achievement for me.

You’re not gonna meet some fit gym buff that’s going to become your PT and have your babies.

Well, you might… But don’t expect the gym to be full of toned looking guys ready to show you how to use that weird pull-y arm machine.

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